Children, The Family and Health: What it Takes to Give Children Long Life
The Hawaii Workshop: Panel IV
Moderator: Eleitino Paddy Walker, Cook Islands
Panelists: Rev. David Kennedy, Hawaii; and Flora Krissiloff, USA
This workshop represents a rich and rewarding mix of women, ideas and cultures. We have come together to show our concern for all children. We have expressed a deep desire to be the agent of change for children. We need love and passion to create a safe place for children to grow.
I am a woman of the Pacific. I have had a lifetime love affair with children because the child in me reaches out to other children. Every morning I walk on the beach of the lagoon near my home and swim in the ocean. I am in awe of the creator of this universe. I feel connected and healed. The power of connectedness is the goal for the people of the world, but so often we choose to disconnect ourselves. We need to be sure what we say and do does not hurt others, but encourages well being. Take time to be kind. It is the kind, warm person you connected with in the journey Jane led yesterday. Wounding words can remain part of a person’s life forever. The kind words become part of our well self image. There is power in your voice, keep it kind. We need to teach compassion. “The reflection of a society’s soul is the way it treats its children,” Nelson Mandela. Love and the feelings of spirituality are what will lead to compassion. The biggest deficit today is not financial, but that of the spirit. I come from a touching culture; we enjoy greeting each other with a physical embrace. We express ourselves also through our dance and music. Life is like a marathon, everyone who finishes is a winner, competing against yourself, and being the best you can be. These life attitudes will reflect upon the children around you in a world of changing values.
I speak to you from my background as a public health nurse and am here at this workshop as a parent. I have three sons. My family is a team and is the basic building block of life.
Within the family, children have a support network and testing ground and a place to learn decision making. The child 10 years old and younger is entwined and dependent upon the family unit. When the family unit cannot cope there is a crisis. Unresolved issues stemming from a crisis can lead to stress or unacceptable acting out behaviors. In the August 24th issue of Time magazine, there is an article about children murdering another child in Chicago. This is an extreme case of crisis-based behavior. In order to survive a crisis, a child needs to be reassured, then may begin to move forward in small steps. This often requires a thorough assessment. Often families in crisis have neglected their physical health. One step is to review the total health of a family, then work to restore their health. Questions to consider: are they eating well?, how much “junk food” is being consumed?, is anyone obese?, underweight?, anemic?. In other areas: are family members getting enough rest and exercise? Are they up to date with immunizations? Check hearing and vision and other physical factors. In the mental health area, are there signs of stress, anxiety or depression? Once the family health is assessed, then targeted interventions can be planned.
General strategies to improve family health include offering emotional support first. This can help reduce dysfunctional behaviors. Then it is important to establish or re-establish a support network for the family. Without good support the family is likely to return to previous behaviors. Young children need to be nurtured, loved and listened to. These become lifetime skills learned at a young age, which then become part of their parenting.
In a crisis communication becomes disjointed. Young children may have trouble verbalizing their feelings. Caring persons need to listen and teach them the words for good communication of feelings. Adults need to learn to listen patiently. Modeling this behavior for the child also becomes life-long tools for coping with crises. Effective communications and building support networks are the key to success in families. It is worth noting that one of the young shooters in Jonesboro, Arkansas said, “now they will have to listen to me.”
“I am a minister and former headmaster for an all-girls school here. The spiritual aspect of our lives cannot be separated from the emotional, physical and mental. Everything we do is actually spiritually based.”
A background of the students Kennedy served includes: increasing numbers of children from single parent homes, increased behavioral issues at school, 1/3 had no breakfast, 1/5 had no money for lunch, increasingly girls expressed anxiety over the pressures of grades in school. Only one girl in three said she had a daily conversation with her parents, which lasted longer than 15 minutes. How do we as parents and community workers address these pressures?
Two students and their stories are memorable: Cheyenne and Lee Ann. Cheyenne had earned all A’s in junior high school. She ended up in my office after missing school for the first time ever. She brought another friend for support and because she could not bring herself to talk about the issue to me. The issue was sexual abuse, which had been occurring since first grade. She had not had the courage to tell anyone until now. Her mother knew of the abuse and had taken no action. What more can be done to help students like Cheyenne?
An unkempt and disheveled father accompanied LeeAnn to registration. Her brother was incarcerated and her father illiterate. LeeAnn struggled to make it in academic classes. She worked diligently to earn C grades. She did continue her education in college. What can be done to intervene in the lives of children like LeeAnn and help them make a change in their lives? We need to give children HOPE to grow to become whole and happy people.
A story about monkeys will illustrate the power of education. After 50 years of observation of a troop of monkeys in Japan, researchers learned the following: monkeys liked to eat sweet potatoes but dislike sand in their food. One young monkey learned to wash the potatoes and taught an adult monkey. Then the young monkey taught other young monkeys and finally the entire troop adopted this behavior. Then it was discovered that monkeys on other islands were adopting this behavior. Are you the person who discovers a better way and teaches it to others? Are you the person who makes all the difference in the lives of children? Significantly, Eno, the monkey who started this revolution, was female.
Paddy Walker’s summation: Look to yourself. You can make the difference.
Last Modified: November 29, 2002